


critique my dick pic

by reginar



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Victor Nikiforov, Butt Plugs, Fluff, Humor, Illustrated, Lace Panties, M/M, Public Sex, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2018-11-17 08:49:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11272065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reginar/pseuds/reginar
Summary: Viktor Nikiforov’s dick goes viral.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Let it be known that ao3 user renaissance is an enabler.

It was a moment of weakness and insecurity when Viktor entered the address of the tumblr blog _critiquemydickpic_ onto his browser. In another time, he would’ve been confident enough to not seek a second opinion, but Yuuri so lovingly sent him one when he mentioned how much he missed it, and he wanted to reciprocate—he wanted to meet Yuuri’s openness with his own.

He’d heard about the website from Chris—of course, who else could it have been? It was in one of the banquets a few years ago, and they were joking about sending one, which they all knew would never happen. At least, Viktor thought he’d never send one. And yet, here he was, hastily reading the info section for instructions, as if afraid he’d get caught when he was alone in the apartment; Yuuri was in Hasetsu, winding down after a gold from the Japanese Nationals and apparently longing for Viktor’s dick. He jumped in the bed when Makkachin padded into the room to curl at his feet and look at him.

“It’s for Yuuri, Makkachin,” he said defensively. “I love him, and he needs me. And I know the value of good criticism.”

He turned his attention back to his laptop, furiously ignoring Makkachin’s accusing stare. Air rushed out from his lungs as he typed _special review_ into the subject line of his email and attached three files. Then he sent the equivalent of a hundred dollars to the critic’s PayPal using the same email, payment for the more expensive special review of three pictures and some extra for help they lend to first-time dick pic senders. He put a lot of effort into the dick pics, even purchasing and setting up a camera stand, but there was always room for improvement—only the best for his beloved, after all.

With that done, he slammed the laptop shut and put it aside to sleep.

* * *

_**special review** _

_well, these are absolutely stunning. the color composition of the first one creates the perfect atmosphere of artistic sensuality, the hues of blue with the minimal lighting a perfect combination. the horizontal line of the bed gives attention to the verticality of your hips and legs that frame your dick. all in all, very elegant. the second one is reminiscent of the works of fernando zobel de ayala y montojo. the silhouette is teasing just enough to charm the viewer. there’s also an subtle implication of erotic motion like a zobel masterpiece. it is quite evocative, despite being controlled and restrained in its hedonism. the third one plays on one of the usual poses for a dick pic, but the choice to splay under the shadows of a mullioned window and sun is a great artistic choice. the hands on the shirt and dick are  playful and teasing. the deep redness of the shirt is almost too sinful._

_sender emailed three dick picks, worried that they’re not good enough. let me tell you, sender, all these dick pics are classically well-done. whoever your boyfriend is, he is lucky so don’t worry too much! i know you wanted a special review, but these are already perfect as they are._

_thank you for submitting to critiquemydickpic.tumblr.com. all your dick pics are **A+** . _

* * *

****

* * *

 

 **9 Reasons Why This Dude’s Dick Pics are the Eighth Wonder of the World  
** Three words: LEONARDO DICK VINCI.

Posted on December 26, at 8:25 p.m.

 **Kelly Grand  
** Buzzfeed Staff 

  1. Firstly, these aren’t dick pics, these are ART.
  2. This one is worthy to be in the MET Museum.
  3. This one in the Louvre alongside the Mona Lisa
  4. Aliens are probably asking us to send nudes via radio signal, so we should respond with this masterpiece.
  5. Red shirt has never looked so good.
  6. How is a silhouette so sexy?
  7. These are silver pubes, but they are worth a gold medal.
  8. Seriously.
  9. Canonize the owner of this dick.



* * *

**The Most Perfect Dick? Whose it is? Click to find out!**

_… surely with a dick this perfect, they’d be proud to come forward. We don’t know yet whose dick it is, aside from speculations about sun positions online, but we do know it is perfect._

* * *

“Congratulations, Yuuri!” said Phichit cheerfully through the video call.

It was already midday in Hasetsu, but Yuuri could see that Phichit was getting started on his breakfast. Yuuri was in the process of packing up to go back to St. Petersburg and spend the New Year’s with his husband. He couldn’t believe he’d sent a dick pic the other night; he still felt the embarrassment two days later because he hadn’t done it since his college days, and it was only twice. But Viktor seemed to appreciate it. Ah, he shouldn’t let his mind wander while talking to Phichit. Warmth crept up his cheeks and ears.

He transferred folded shirts into his suitcase. “Thank you,” he said.

Then Phichit gasped. “This is so good…” he said slowly, staring at his laptop screen. Phichit busied himself with two gadgets at the table and hardly touched his meal. “This dick pic is art. I need their talent for my selfies, Yuuri!”

“What the hell are you looking at, Phichit?”

“What? It’s for research. Besides, haven’t you heard about the world-famous dick? Went viral overnight.”

“No.”

“Huh. I’ll send you a link, wait.” He laughed. “You’re gonna appreciate them, if the drapes do match the carpet.”

Phichit sent Yuuri multiple links, but he clicked only one at random. He read and then stared. He was quiet for a full minute.

“Um, Yuuri?”

“You’re right, Phichit,” said Yuuri quietly, “these are beautiful.”

“I told you so!”

* * *

 

 **saltprinceviktor  
** did anyone else see the world-famous dick pics w silver pubes realness lmao imagine if they were viktor’s

 **unexpectedtrash  
** brb writing a fic

* * *

**Chris**

mon dieu viktor tell me

did you actually submit to critiquemydickpic

bc there's a viral dick with white blonde hair

It was late at night and I thought the more expensive review was private!

* * *

“Hello, Viktor?”

“Yuuri, I’m sorry! It was a mistake! I didn’t read it properly. I thought the more expensive review was the private one. I just wanted to give you the best dick pic so I had to ask for a second opinion— ”

Yuuri laughed through the receiver. “Oh… oh.” He wanted to say more, but it was a ridiculous situation. “I mean, they did end up with me, eventually. I liked them.”

“Oh.”

“But next time, don’t ask for criticism anymore. Just send it. Your dick is beautiful at any angle and lighting.”

“Oh. Yuuri, I miss you. And your dick. Fuck me when you get back.”

Yuuri had to bark out a laugh. “Y-yes. Of course.” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had some sort of fantasy that the moment they’d see each other, Yuuri would bend him over whatever surface and fuck him there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I guess?

The airport was deserted at three in the morning. Nursing a latte, Viktor listened to Yuuri tell the story about the bickering couple who had decided to divorce mid-flight because of something trivial. He hid a smile behind his drink, taking in the Yuuri’s animated form beside him; they sat in a couch at the cafe inside the airport. Viktor shifted in his spot slightly, closed his eyes briefly, and held back a groan, turning it into a hiss.

Yuuri paused. “Are you all right?” he asked, touching Viktor’s thigh gently. He opened his mouth to speak again when his attention turned to the couple of women two tables away. His Russian was weak at best, but Viktor knew he caught a few words.

“Look at this dick pic, Masha,” one of them said in a hushed tone that was unsuccessful. “It went viral a few days ago, but I can’t stop looking at it. There’s another one. So pretty.”

The hand on Viktor tensed for a second and relaxed, but Yuuri’s shoulders hadn’t. His fingers began stroking the inside of Viktor’s thigh, slowly and lightly, and Viktor pressed his lips together. The thing was that Viktor had been on the edge for weeks now, not being able to satisfy himself on his own devices, longing to feel Yuuri’s touches on his skin—on his thigh, the hand was a teasing weight, and he wanted more pressure. He’d like to say that he’d only been struggling with the sensation in his pelvic region after Yuuri put a hand on him, but that would be a lie: He had some sort of fantasy that the moment they’d see each other, Yuuri would bend him over whatever surface and fuck him there.

It wasn’t going to happen, of course, but still, he wore a black pair of lace panties. The lace under denim hugged his crotch and hips tightly. It didn’t help that he was wearing a small butt plug. Any kind of movement was overloading his senses.

The comments over the next table bordered on scandalous—and it was not like Viktor was not used to it, having been in skating for years. And then Yuuri’s hand jumped onto Viktor’s crotch and grabbed it.

Viktor groaned loudly, which he tried to turn into a cough, rather terribly. He met Yuuri’s eyes, and there was fire in them. Perhaps Viktor would get what he wanted. He brought his latte to his lips, but his shaking hand missed and stained his shirt. Under the table, Yuuri stroked him, making Viktor slam the cup on the table for anything to hold onto. Grunts escaped his lips.

“Viktor,” said Yuuri loudly that the two women looked over their direction. “How careless. Let’s go wash you in the bathroom.” He stood up to approach the counter, and Viktor couldn’t tell if the absence of touch was relief or pain. He followed, careful of the feeling in his ass, and caught Yuuri’s conversation with the barista:

“—and please watch my luggage,” said Yuuri, handing the barista a a couple of bills. Turning around, he grabbed Viktor’s wrist and led the way to the bathroom.

* * *

Viktor stood over the sink, about to wash his shirt, when Yuuri locked the door. He loomed behind Viktor and ground his hips over Viktor’s ass, unknowingly escalating the sensations. Viktor had to grab the counter for support.

“Please, Yuuri...” he said through gritted teeth.

“Mine,” Yuri growled, and bit Viktor’s shoulder, making Viktor yelp. He pulled off Viktor’s jacket, then ripped off the shirt (a button or two would need sewing later at home). Spinning Viktor around, Yuuri drew Viktor into a kiss, tongue seeking entrance, which Viktor granted. He unbuckled Viktor’s belt hastily, cast it off onto the side with a smack on the tiles.

When Yuuri put his hands into Viktor’s pants and felt the lace panties, Viktor whispered, “Yours,” against Yuuri’s lips. Yuuri grunted into the kiss.

Viktor pulled back, faced the counter yet again. He watched Yuuri’s reaction on the mirror as he pushed down his pants and lace and bent a little. “Please, I’m ready.”

A hitch of breath, and Viktor knew Yuuri liked his surprise. He felt Yuuri trace the base of the plug, the movement giving Viktor a taste of what was to come. Gently, Yuuri placed a palm on the small of his back and pushed him down the counter.

“Welcome home,” said Viktor, face on the surface, plugged ass in the air. He moaned as the base pressed into him. Viktor's breathing was ragged; Yuuri pulled, but his rim resisted deliciously. Yuuri pulled again until it came out, and Viktor moaned. “Please, fuck me now,” he begged when Yuuri hadn’t so much as touched him. He checked the mirror and saw Yuuri staring at his gaping, lubricated hole, a hungry look on his face. Below, a tent on his pants.

Viktor tried to grind his hips back and was dismayed when he was met with air. But when he heard the sound of zipper unzipping, he gasped.

“I'm home,” said Yuuri, placing his hands on Viktor’s cheeks. He plunged into Viktor with ease. He did not give any warning as he pulled back and rammed back in, and Viktor had to bite his lips to not scream. Yuuri fucked him hard, showing who owned him, and he wanted to be owned. Yuuri’s movement was quick and strong and Viktor couldn’t help but just let himself get fucked, unable to keep up with the pace.

Yuuri laid over him and bit his neck.

“Ah!”

He reached out and covered Viktor’s mouth. Not that he could control what damage had already been done by the slapping of flesh on flesh. Viktor relished the pain of the bite and the pleasure of the cock going in and out of him. The new angle hit his prostate repeatedly, and Viktor melted in bliss. He reached back for Yuuri's other hand and placed it on his cock, urging Yuuri to stroke him. After a few seconds, he came. But Yuuri continued pounding into him, chasing his own orgasm. He wanted Yuuri to use him, and that was what was happening. He could almost come again.

* * *

Viktor went out into the cafe first, spring in his step. Behind him, a blushing Yuuri followed. Tables were now empty, the two women nowhere to be seen—would they ever know that the world-famous dick just got some serious dicking moments ago? Never, but it satisfied Viktor and Yuuri nonetheless.

Behind the counter, the barista was a deep shade of red.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more smut from me, check out ["At time's end"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16354175) and [_Without fear, without metaphor_](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9824237).

**Author's Note:**

> All illustrations are drawn based on beautiful dick pics from the #A tag of [critiquemydickpic](https://critiquemydickpic.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Talk to me at [reginarfic](https://reginarfic.tumblr.com/)!


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